baking bubbles of flatness

As stated yesterday, I'm trying to bake cookies. Not only did I see a lot of sugar, I ALSO found out that there is a power and a soda for baking.

And you really have to READ your ingredients. I made cookies with baking soda and they needed baking powder. They were flat blobs of bubbling browness!

I tried one. They were still sugary, but not super yummy. About half-yummy. Just "yum" with no "my." That's kinda 3/5 yummy.

I may have also misread the amount of flour needed. So...that pile of dough was pretty doomed. Possibly even medically doomed. Like Dr. Doom...ed. The Fantastic Flour...er...Four...destroyed it. (That's a cooking joke. Chefs love it.)

So I went back to the store to get some replacement ingredients. After staring at the butter for a few hours, I found baking POWDER. Aluminium Free! I like to say "aluminium" instead of "aluminum" because it's the british way to say it...and it's more fun. But it's the same thing. And I want neither in my cookies. Are there people who DO want aluminium in their cookies?! Why?! So you can say that you eat metal?!

Oh...that is pretty cool. And Robot Santa likes that. Because Robot Santa eats metal. So metal cookies are perfect for him. Or so I've heard.

He says, "Ho Ho Ro-Bot!" He's awesome.

I'm off to eat metal.

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

going to louisiana to purchase sugar

Happy Louisiana Purchase Day! We celebrate this day because Napoleon, without his lucrative sugar business, had no use for Louisiana.

I have no idea why the two are connected, but I never took World Economics of 1803 in college. It was offered. And I heard it was historical and fantastical, but I decided to take World Literature Before 1600.

That was a lot of reading. And nothing about sugar.

Sugar is good. Did you know how much sugar is in cookies?! I mean, I knew they had sugar. But it's a LOT! I decided to try baking cookies from scratch and they just casually tell you to put cup after cup after cup of sugar in there!

I love it! Napoleon would have been rich with all the sugar I was using!

It's actually quite tempting when you have a bowl of sugar and butter in front of you. It's probably the best breakfast ever. I did not taste it. But I wanted to.

I bet Napoleon ate that for breakfast when he sold Louisiana.

I once wrote a song about the Tennessee Valley Authority. Maybe I should write one about the Louisiana Purchase.

It's easier to rhyme words with Authority than Purchase, though.

"I went to Napoleon to make a purchase,

He said it was a perfect...murchase...burchase?"

I got nothing.

Maybe I should rhyme with sugar.

Like...BOOGER!

I like it!

I'm off to write a new song!

Enjoy Everything.

-dj

look who's talking

Do you remember that movie "Look Who's Talking?" Or the amazing "Look Who's Talking, Too?" I do. I seem to recall loving those movies. I bet you do too. (get it!? Too!? Like the movie!)

I was thinking that they should find ALL the babies from that movie and bring them back as adults for a new movie called "Look Who's Talking Again!" I mean, they have to be, like, twenty or so now, right?

Oh, and bring back John Travolta so we can finally see him in a good movie again.

Try to tell me you wouldn't go see that movie. Go ahead. Try. You can't! I know you're trying, but the words just won't come out because it is so awesome!

That's all. I was just so excited by that idea that I wanted to share it.

I also like cookies for breakfast. Not that cereal kind. I mean warm, fresh out of the oven, cookies. For breakfast. THAT'S a good way to start the day.

I'm off to eat a cookie.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

no candy

I have decided not to eat candy for the month of December. Calm down. Everything is ok. Breathing into a paper bag might help if you're a little freaked out.

Better now? Good. Why did I decide this? I have no idea. I guess I was bored and wanted to challenge myself. I didn't want to announce it until I was sure I could do it, but I'm pretty sure I can get through it now.

On Dec. 1 I went through denial. I tried to convince myself I was ok without candy. Then, that afternoon, I went through anger. I yelled at the candy aisle in Big Y. It wasn't pretty.

"Rows and rows of candy! Why do you taunt me! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then, as security took me outside, I tried to make a deal with them.

Me: "I will buy you guys EACH a Snickers bar if you let me back inside. I swear I will only buy one bag of M&Ms."

Security: "No. We were warned that you might be off your candy. We're here to keep it that way."

Me: "I'll buy you a bag of Kisses! Just give me one!"

Security: "No."

Me: "You'll regret this!"

Thankfully, Big Y security is tougher than I am and may have saved my life...from candy.

On Dec. 2 I woke up depressed. Then, I went to work and accepted my decision.

I have been doing well since then.

I don't know how people get through their days without candy. Luckily, I don't count cookies as candy. No, that's NOT cheating. Cookies are a COMPLETELY different food group. They are a grain. Not a candy.

I'm off to eat more grains.

Enjoy!

-DJ