pick her up

I saw an interesting article telling guys how NOT to pick up the ladies. Not pick-up lines but rather modes of transportation.

And I can't help but disagree with ALL of them!

Unicycle: Really? What woman wouldn't want to be picked up on a unicycle?! I once had this game for Super Nintendo called Uniracers and it was awesome! If a woman doesn't want a ride on a unicycle, she gets no ride at all!

Pony: Don't girls love ponies? Heck, don't GUYS love ponies?! I do. And riding a pony to the movies is probably the best way to go on a date. AND it's cute.

Segway Scooter: Okay...I guess I could go either way with this one. The good thing is that two people on a Segway can get really tight. So that means she wants to be close to you. The bad thing is that it's really hard to steer one of those bad boys with two people on it. Trust me, I've tried.

Roller Skates: Wow...they are SO wrong with this. Any guy that can roller skate is probably the COOLEST guy in the world! Imagine going out to dinner and instead of both of you walking to the restaurant, he roller skates and you walk. All the girls seeing his slick moves would be so jealous of your catch. You'd be hotter than sea horse!

Wanna know what's lame? Fancy cars. That's so last year.

Oh, and chairs on wheels. I know they're fun at work, but it's really hard to keep those moving with two people. Even harder than a Segway. And if she has to sit on your lap the whole night, your keys are going to press into your thigh. Not always pleasant, but helpful if you need a mold of your keys.

I'm off to race my unicycle.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

get a new phone

Most cell phone companies give you a deal on a new phone every 18 months. That means you probably get a new phone every 18 months, right?

Now, growing up, how long did you have your landline? I know one of the phones in my house was there my whole life. At least 20 years worth of use.

What does that tell you? Spending money on new stuff is awesome! Granted, I would LOVE to carry around a large rotary (look it up, kids) phone that connected to a cell tower, but they don't make that. It would be sweet to clunk that phone onto a table when it was ringing from ANY location!

Since we can't have that, we constantly have to get new phones. And these new phones don't last that long. They all break after a year or so. But that's okay because that phone was getting old, anyway. It probably didn't do half the cool stuff that your new phone does. Like turn into a robot and ride a unicycle.

At least, that's what I want my phone to do.

I would also like it to taste like cherries. Just in case I decide to chew on it. Which I might do on a warm summer's night.

I'm off to answer my phone.

Enjoy Everything.

-DJ

the power of one wheel

I bet you were riding your unicycle the other day and thought that it would be so much easier to use if only it had a motor on it. That would save you from all that pesky pedaling that you normally have to do.

Well you can thank the fine folks in Japan for making a unicycle with a battery that will move ON YOUR COMMAND! You can move forward by leaning forward! Want to go left? You lean left! It's that simple!

I bet you never thought you could unicycle with such ease! And with a top speed of 3.7 miles per hour?! WOOOOO DOGGY! Look out world! I may leave a trail of FLAMES behind me!

I may...if I'm directly in front of somebody lighting matches.

Does anybody even ride unicycles? Why would you? To weave through crowded streets better? Or just to look dorky?

I think I'll make life easier for people and create a unicycle with an extra wheel for stability. I'll call it the dual-wheeled unicycle.

I'm off to find somebody with a pack of matches.

Enjoy!

-DJ