flowers for valentine's day?

It seems a little strange, but I have a great gift idea for Valentine's Day. Flowers.

I know what you're thinking, "Flowers?! Who would want flowers? What kind of silly gift is that? I don't get it?"

Both men and women like flowers. They smell good and look nice. They even have these stores where you can buy flowers. That's all they sell. Flowers.

BUT, different color flowers mean different things. That's why I'm here. To be your flower compass.

Red flowers mean "I love you." Duh.

White flowers mean you might be color blind, but that's okay because you still got flowers and they smell good.

Yellow flowers mean that you think the person is hot like the sun. And the sun is really hot. I mean, you would be really hot too if you converted 4 million metric tons of matter into energy every second.

Orange flowers mean you're healthy. Like vitamin C. Because oranges have a lot of vitamin C. You could probably eat the flowers, too. I bet they would taste like oranges.

Blue flowers mean you fell in love in 1999 while listening to Eiffel 65. Da ba dee, da ba da. (I bet that song is stuck in your head now, isn't it?)

Now go pick up some flowers for your loved one.

I'm off to my blue house with a blue window.

Enjoy!

-DJ

you smell good like a french fry

After years of research and thousands of dollars, scientists have found out why we like the smell of french fries. Using the high-tech, fake-sounding technique of gas chromatography mass spectrometry, we can now tell you why the smell of french fries will make your mouth water.

The french fry aroma is made up of butterscotch, cocoa, onion, flowers, cheese and ironing boards. Now, what is in the smell of ironing boards that makes my mouth water? I don't know. Maybe they need another test with their gas chromatography mass spectrometer machine.

Now here's a test I would like them to try: Make a pie and fill it with butterscotch, cocoa, onions, flowers and cheese and then serve it on an ironing board and see if people still get hungry. I have a strange feeling that they will not eat your pie. If they do eat your pie, there is something seriously wrong with them.

Oh, and they are also saying that fries are good for you because they have vitamin C. Really? French fries? That's like saying it's ok to eat a cardboard box because I dipped it in orange juice. I wouldn't suggest it. Unless you put cheese and flowers on it.

I'm off to make butterscotch, cocoa, onion, flower, cheese and ironing board cologne.

Enjoy!

-DJ