Friday, April 29, 2011

mark point bang

In my studies of worldly languages, I come across the exclamation point a lot. You've seen it. ! Right there. Did you miss it? Here it is again.


Cool, right? YES IT IS! Because it makes me shout more!

Since I am a scholar in punctuation marks, I learned that the exclamation point is also called an "exclamation mark" and a "bang."

Yep. You end it with a bang!

Did you know that? Have you ever heard it called that? I never have.

Did you also know that some royal wedding happened today? It was pretty much everywhere in the news. I thought the prince would have to slay a dragon, but I guess they don't do that anymore.

Which is good because not all dragons are bad. Only some should be slayed. Or slain. Slained?

Gotten ridded of...ed...ain...

Anyway, dragons are cool. I wish there was a dragon in the royal wedding. There were horses. Maybe one of them was actually a dragon in disguise.

Yeah, I'll go with that.

I'm off to !!!!!!!!!!!.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, April 28, 2011

breakfast disco party

So there is a breakfast disco after the royal wedding?!

At first I thought they were lame with all their boring wedding stuffs, but this could change my mind!

At least, the sister-in-law could. Pippa! Middleton (legally, there is no exclamation point after her name, but I like it there) planned a "Breakfast Disco" after the wedding.

With disco balls! And ice cream! Two of my 23 favorite disco things!

Pippa! sounds pretty awesome. WAY more awesomer than the actual royal family people.

And she has a cool name. PIPPA!

Sadly, I will not be at the breakfast disco. I WILL have breakfast, though.

Maybe some apples. Perhaps a bit of toast. Stuff like that. Nothing flashy.


I'm off to pippa.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

hi ate us and seven eight nine

After two people wondered where my blog went, I decided to come back to it.

Will it be better than ever?!

Prolly not.

Will it be bigger than ever?!


Will it be "The All New, All Different" blog?!

Sorta, I guess. And that joke only makes sense to people who read X-Men comics in the early 90s. That joke is for you!

I took a hiatus to get approval from the Food and Drug Administration. The blog now contains 100% of your daily Vitamin G! (FDA approval pending)

For Good Golly That's GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

It's almost as useful as Vitamin K. Except when it's not. Which is most of the time.

Why don't they sell pre-hard-boiled eggs? That would be handy. Especially for decorating.

Eggs do have Vitamin K. But NO Vitamin G. You can only get that here. (FDA approval pending)

I'm off to make more jokes that nobody will get.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

you can pay for it if you want the money

Why do we have to pay the postage for taxes? If it's something that the government FORCES you to do, they should have free shipping for taxes! Like Amazon!

And not only that, but that census I get in the mail every year, too. I shouldn't have to fill it out AND pay for a stamp! THAT is a lot of work!

I do it because it is my civic duty, though, and if there is anything I learned from reading comic books, it's that civic duty is the only thing non-super-powered people can do.  It's kind of like saving the world from a sun eater.

Okay, so police and fire people do some stuff that is heroicy, but you get my point.

Fine, you're right, Batman doesn't have any super powers, but he's rich. So...RICH people could do stuff, too.

The point is...well...I don't remember what the point is. I DO know that I'm going through "bag drama" as I try to figure out which messenger bag I want to carry.

It's very trying on my soul.

And that makes it hard to remember to buy stamps to send things to the government.

THAT is the point.

I'm off to change my bag.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

we're gonna put you in a can and surround you with rockets to see what happens

It's the 50th anniversary of the first man in space! Yuri Gagarin decided to throw caution to the wind and take the trip. Actually, he probably took caution, stepped on it, set it on fire, hit it with a hammer, ran a tank over it, and then threw it to the wind.

They put this guy in a small metal craft and shot him into space. And he was all for it! Who does that?! He didn't even have control over the ship! The guys on Earth did!

So what if that stopped working? He just had to "hope" that he wouldn't hit anything. Like Mars. Or Australia. Or Green Lantern.

Nobody even had any reason to go to space. They just hadn't been there before, so why not?

I've never been in a paper clip factory, but I'm not gonna just go there because nobody else has. With giant rockets attached to me. That might blow up.

Yuri went into space for 98 minutes. And thanks to his crazy boldness, we have GPS and Astronaut Ice Cream. Two of my 17 favorite things.

Everything tastes better when it is freeze-dried. And when I can find it.

I'm off to cryodesiccate.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, April 8, 2011

shut down until further notice

Can a government just shut down? Like, really? I know it's happened in the past, but it still seems wrong. How does a government give itself the option to shut down?! Who's idea was that?!

Probably Roger Sherman. He signed any paper that came his way. Which is weird because he hated paper money.

Sherman. Pfft.

So, thanks to Sherman (possibly historically inaccurate), we have a government that can just shut down. The place that governs MILLIONS OF PEOPLE: closed.

Is that a good idea? I mean, if I got a day off for some silly disagreement, I would totally NOT come back!

I'd lock my door and say, "See ya later, legislative losers! I'm going to the beach! I'll sign a bill of relaxation and sand castles!"

Then I would make a sand castle with cannons and a princess and a mighty steed. And a prince would come from the ocean and marry the princess and they would rule over the land of Sandurbia. With their mighty steed. PLUS, their government would never shut down. Because they know that the sand people need them to work so their national parks don't close.

And so they can get their tax refunds. Which may not happen for me since I left it to the last minute. And I don't know how to do it online.

That's really why I love Sandurbia's government. And sand castles. And mighty steeds.

I'm off to run a small, sandy country.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, April 7, 2011

do you have the time for a rhyme?

It's National Poetry Month! And according to the American Society of Poets, or ASP, you have to say at least one rhyme a day for the month of April. It's true. If you don't, they will send poet ninjas after you. And you can never see their rhymes coming.

You: "Oh, I didn't rhyme today. Eh...who's gonna notice."

Ninja: "You think we don't know? That you didn't show the flow? We move with nary a rustle. Except at the disco when we hustle."

You: "Oh no. I gotta think of something! The Poet Ninjas are coming!"

Ninja: "Our swords shimmer like the sun. With one swipe, you are done. Better think of something very fast. Or this next breath might be your last."

You: "Um! Uh! I met a monkey! He was funky!"

Ninja: "Cool. We'll take it. Good job. We out."

You: "Phew..."

Ninjas are cool. But rhyming ninjas are cooler. It's a historical fact. Look it up. There's, like, a whole section of it in McCullough's "The Taiheiki: A Chronicle of Medieval Japan."

Don't actually look it up, though.

I'm off to do a rhyme or two.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

how do you browse without a browser?

When you get a computer, it usually has a browser on it, right? What if they didn't give that to you? What if Internet Explorer did NOT come standard on a Windows computer?

How would you get Firefox or Chrome?

I always feel kinda naughty when I use IE to get Firefox. It's like I'm not even hiding the fact that I won't even use IE. And IE HAS to take it!

But what if IE had ENOUGH and decided NOT to come on your computer? How would you get Firefox?! Can they send me a floppy disc with it on there? Would I have to send a letter to Firefox? How would I know they got it without an instant "noreply" email from them?

There are so many things in life I don't understand.

Most of them have to do with power tools. Like welding equipment.

OH! The COOL thing about welding equipment is the goggles! I SOOOOO WANT a pair of goggles!

Dark black circle ones! I'd feel like a super hero EVERY DAY!

I might even try to be a super hero! I wouldn't stop crime or anything. I would just jump around and say that I was super strong.

I bet they would help me to sew, too. A button fell off my shirt and I needled it back on last night. Totally hard core. I didn't have any black thread, so I used purple.

That's kind of like welding.

I'm off to browse.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, April 1, 2011

no really, it's supposed to be funny

It's April Fool's Day! Where people do stuff! I don't really know what, but they do it. I never got involved with it. I don't celebrate April 1. I prefer March to last 32 days. Then I go to April 2. I'm a big March fan.

If you didn't know, the French LOVE this day! They call it Poisson d'Avril. Which means "April Fish." You tape a paper fish to somebody's back. Then their friends yell, "Poisson d'Avril!" when they see it on you. And that's funny. For some reason.

Person 1: "Bonjour!"

Person 2: "Poisson d'Avril!"

Person 1: "Oh, is there a fish on my back? Cool. Thanks."


Person 1: "'s not that's just a fish taped to my back."

Person 2: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! There's a fish taped to your back! You totally got fished! It's hilarious!"

Person 1: "...riiiiiight..."

Since it IS so funny, I'm going to do that today. But instead of a fish, I will use buttered toast. Or hummus! Hummus is ALWAYS funny!

And instead of putting it on their back, I will put it on their nose!

I'm already laughing.

Fish are stinky.

I'm off to Poisson d'Avril.

Enjoy Everything.