Friday, October 29, 2010

a man walks into a walkman

The Sony Walkman is done. Sony is not going to make them any more. I know, some of you didn't even know they were still being made. They are.

Well, they were.

Why didn't they ever make the Walkwoman? That's just as easy to say. I had many a portable cassette player growing up. They usually fell off my belt while I was riding my bike or something. Then they would break into a million pieces on the street. LUCKILY, it protected my cassette tape. Those NEVER broke.

There was a Transformer that was a Walkman. I can't remember his name, but that was sneaky. I was always afraid that my Walkman would transform into a Decepticon and attack me.

Actually, it did. A few times. It ate my tapes. I scolded the Decepticon by throwing it onto the street and breaking it into a million pieces.

That's how we Autobots roll.

I had Gobots, too. They were like Transformers, but different. And not as popular. But I LOVED them. They could all fly and shoot lasers out of their hands! They didn't need to be a jet to fly. They didn't even need laser guns. They could just do that stuff.

And they never once ate my INXS cassingle.

Take that Transformers!

I'm off to walk, man...or woman.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

get him to the geek

Be warned, this is a comic book rant. I REALLY try not to do this too often, but sometimes people just get me so riled up.

You can skip today's blog and I will not be offended. It's totally not worth your time. I just have to get it out. Seriously, don't read it. It's really long. TOO long. Just come back again when I write about something interesting, okay? Thanks.

SO! There is a new Superman comic coming out. It's actually a graphic novel that revamps the story of Clark Kent moving to Metropolis. And people are FURIOUS!

They have this picture online of a young Clark looking like...well...what a 20-ish kid would look like today. People are saying they should never mess with such an iconic character. They say he looks like he's from Twilight or something. Okay, so the kids from Twilight are, like, in their 20's, right? I guess that makes sense. Shocking.

People should really read comic books. They've re-told the superman story a million times! In face, the whole DC Universe is constantly resetting itself! But people don't know that, so they just say all sorts of stinky things. And I'm insulted!

The art is beautiful. The artist, Shane Davis, should know that he did a great job. The inks and colors look awesome, too. And the writer, JMS, well...most of the time he's really good. I'm HOPING this is one of the good times.

BUT! All these people are posting mean things under the news story! They don't even know what's going on in the DC Universe! It's just so frustrating to read their comments. It hurts when they insult your passion and they clearly don't know anything about it. Sorry, but I'm sensitive.

I DO hope that maybe somebody who never read comics sees this new Superman, who looks like somebody from this decade, and decides to read it.

Now, if somebody wants to have an intelligent discussion about comic books, I'm all for it. But please know your stuff.

Okay. Rant done. I'm sorry you had to see that. But people SHOULD really think before they say such horrible things. And THAT is your life lesson for today. The more you know. Whoosh.

I'm off to do my breathing exercises.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, October 25, 2010

the lion and the unicorn

So I just found out that the Royal Coat of Arms of the United Kingdom is a lion and a unicorn.

Now if that's not a great idea for a sitcom, I don't know what is!

Imagine the two of them arguing over curtains! That would be hilarious.

Lion: "We REALLY need some new curtains!"

Unicorn: "Okay. What were you thinking."

Lion: "Well, I just saw the GREATEST pattern online that will go perfectly with our sofa. BUT, we might have to get a new rug."

Unicorn: "I really think we should go with a simple color. Like black."

Lion: "Seriously?! Black?! I may be a lion, but I am NOT an animal!"

Unicorn: "Sigh. Okay. Get whatever you like."

Lion: "YAY!"

Add some canned laughter and we gots a hit on Thursday nights!

And you thought comedy was dead.

I'm off to pitch the networks.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, October 22, 2010

for those who want to eat through walls

Kanye West has diamond teeth now. That cost a lot of money. BUT it is TOTALLY worth it!

Imagine all the stuff you could chew on with diamond teeth!

If you are attacked by a diamond sword, all you have to do is catch it in your teeth and you won't get hurt! And who doesn't have catching-a-sword-with-your-teeth training? I think I learned that in the 3rd grade.

That and cursive writing. Can you guess which skill I use now? I'll give you a hint: I'm not writing this in cursive!

He could use his teeth to rock climb. Maybe build a boat. He might even be able to eat mars! Just because he has diamond teeth!

I'm so jealous. Imagine all the cool stuff I could do with diamond teeth.

Jump high. Lift weights. Catch salmon.

Maybe someday.

I'm off to chew soft bananas.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

vodka, cotton candy and whipped cream

It seems that people want to drink alcohol, but don't want to TASTE it. So, they flavor it up. Kinda like what I do when I want a desserty, fluffy coffee drink that tastes like caramel. mmmmm...

Welp, do the same thing with vodka! They have whipped cream and cotton candy flavored vodkas.

We always want things to taste like other things. Like asparagus. We REALLY want it to taste like popcorn, so we add LOTS of butter to it.

That's why we don't eat vegetables. Because they TASTE like vegetables. Maybe if we wrapped them up in cotton candy or covered them with whipped cream, we would eat them.

Actually...I like that idea. I wonder if caramel tastes good on cauliflower. I bet it does! Or I could pour an entire Squeeze Pop onto my spinach salad! OR HAVE A POP ROCKS POTATO!

I love this idea. I can't wait to eat my vegetables!

I'm off to find some maple syrup and radishes.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, October 18, 2010

carmenbot 2000 vs. die fledermausotronic 4.0: the siegfried processor

Now that I just spent an hour trying to come up with a clever title, I can get to the story.

The people at MIT have decided that operas are boring. And they are correct!

To make the opera more exciting, they are adding robots! Now THAT is something worth seeing!

"Death and the Powers" is an opera about something that happens. But more importantly, it has robots! And when there are robots, you just KNOW there have to be lasers!

And possibly something that transforms into a car! That would be awesome.

Tod Machover is the composer and head of the Hyperinstruments lab at MIT. What's a hyperinstrument? Well, that's kinda hard to explain, but basically, you take an instrument and put the word hyper in front of it. Then yell what it is. That should work.

Like this: "I have a HYPERVIOLIN!"

Not hyper enough for you? Try this: "HYPERTUBA!"

Oh, and add lasers to the instrument. That should give it more hyperocity. that...

I guess they are going on tour with the show. A HYPERTOUR! You should go see it. But wear laser-blocking clothes. You don't want to get shot.

I'm off to play my HYPERPICCOLO!

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, October 15, 2010

pants made for action

I was looking up pants online. Why? Because sometimes I'm bored and want to see what this great world has to offer!

And it's lucky for ALL of us that I looked. Because I found "ACTION PANTS!"

They look like casual, draw-string pants. But when you put them on...BAM! ACTION HAPPENS!

What kind of action? You might think that you are going for a stroll in the park. But then you put on your action pants.

BAM! It becomes a fight for your life as giant worms attack from underground! And grass blades become REAL blades! Of steel!

Or perhaps you are petting a fluffy lamb. Then you put on your action pants.

BAM! The lamb becomes an evil lamb dictator who rules an army of baby chicks with giant tanks made of evil and sharp stuff! In space!

So you can see why I want a pair of action pants.

And so do you.

I'm off to find some action.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, October 14, 2010

genius comes in a cartoon

Animal Mechanical is a kiddie show that I just saw for the first time the other day. I had NO idea what this show was about, but I didn't care. It has the BEST CAST EVER!

First, they have a dinosaur.

Second, they have a unicorn.


WHAT?! How come I never thought of this before! Three of the COOLEST things combined in one place for me!

And the unicorn can fly!

Holy magical excitement!

I can only imagine this writer pitching the show.

Writer: "So, I have this idea. Let's have a team of animals with a T-Rex and a unicorn."

Executive: "I like it so far. What else can you give me?"

Writer: "You might want to sit down for this part. They. Are. All. Robots."

Executive: "GALUMPUS! I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And thus, history was made.

I'm off to galumpus.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

you got pie in my cake...and that's totally fine

A bakery in Philadelphia has created the Pumpple. The Pumpple is a pumpkin pie and an apple pie baked into a chocolate and vanilla cake.

It's pumpkin on the bottom. Chocolate cake on top of that. Then the apple on that. Then the vanilla on top. All glued together with buttercream.

I know what you're thinking. THIS IS AWESOME! And you would be correct. Now, I haven't tried this yet, but it sounds fantastic. I'm not a huge fan of either apple or pumpkin pie, but we can work on that.

Perhaps they could bake a cherry pie into an angel food cake. Now THAT would be perfect! I don't care what laws of nature have to be broken. We need to make this happen.

People might actually die from its awesomeness. Just hearing about this made me black out for a few hours. It was either that or an alien abduction. That happens to me a lot too.

I bet aliens would LOVE pie-cake. Aliens have good taste. Aliens also like gummy bears. So, you know, they're cool in my book.

OH! How about a cake with pie filling. AND the pie is filled with gummy bears! The aliens would love that!

I'm off to make a pie-cake.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, October 8, 2010

here comes the sunchips

SunChips are good. And a little while ago they decided to make their bags compostable. For the environment. BUT! Now the bag is SUPER LOUD!

And it is AWESOME! I LOVE this loud bag! How much fun is loud? SO FUN!

But, people are complaining. So, they have to change the bag.

Really. Isn't the environment more important? And when did noise become too loud? If it's too loud, you're too old! That's what I say! Heavy Metal Bagging!

Bring on the chips! Bring on the noise!

I'm off to crinkle my bag.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

shred your face

I've been scanning a ton of old pictures into my computer so I can get rid of all the photo albums. I know some people like to waste space with actual pictures, but I'm all for getting rid of them and keeping them on my computer.

But now I have a pile of old pictures that I have no use for! What do you do with old pictures? I feel kinda weird throwing them out.

Instead, I figured I would shred them. But again, is it mean to shred all my family and friends? I don't want to insult anybody.

I guess I could donate them to somebody. Perhaps there is a person who has no pictures of friends or family and they could use mine. Maybe in some poor country with no cameras. I could be their fake brother.

I think I'll just shred them. If you feel a sharp pain, that might be me shredding you. In the shredder-machine. Not shredding you with awesomeness. Even though I've been known to do that, too.

I'm off to shred it up.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

belt it all out

I went to the bathroom today and saw a belt in the trash! I hope it didn't break on somebody. That's a stinky place to break a belt. You put it back on and "SNAP!" it falls off. Now you have to hold your pants up for the rest of the day.

You know where it's okay to break your belt? A belt store.

Belts are good for a lot of stuff. Like holding up pants. And holding up pictures. Maybe an adjustable head band.

Oh, a belt could double as a guitar strap. My car has a timing belt.

You can use a belt to hold a chair together. I bet it would even work as a floatation device.

Well, you could attach a floatation device to your waist using a belt.

I guess a broken belt is good if you need to change quickly. I do not.

I'm off to buckle up.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, October 4, 2010

grab your favorite mug

I love it when directions tell me to put "hot water into your favorite mug." Directions are so helpful. If they did NOT tell me that, I might have put the hot water into my least-favorite mug! And how could I enjoy a hot beverage that way?!

I don't think that's on everything, though. If I cook vegetables, it doesn't say "put hot vegetables onto favorite plate."

I do have a favorite plate. Spider-Man is on it.

Do you have favorite stuff? Like, with everything?

TV should have directions to sit on your favorite chair. Or the soap should say, "Get into your favorite shower and turn water to your favorite temperature!"

I have a favorite temperature. I call it "feel good" degrees. I don't know what number it is, but I can tell you when it gets there.

So sit back in your favorite chair and enjoy your favorite blog on your favorite computer with some of your favorite drink in your favorite mug. And, if you are in the favorite mood, eat some of your favorite candy off of your favorite plate.

I'm off to play favorites.

Enjoy Everything.