Monday, August 30, 2010

your song

Have you ever walked around the gym while they were playing the song "Macho Man" and said, "Finally, they're playing my song!"

I haven't, either. I should, though.

I don't really like peas in the pod. Do you? I like my peas depodded. It's so much better. Pods are not tasty. I think peas are great. But the pod part is not so good.

I DO like pencils, though! I just got this pencil sharpener that sharpens like a rock star! The pencils could pinpoint a quark! Or a gluon, even! Scientists would LOVE my pencil sharpener!

Oh, and this weekend, somebody parked REALLY close to my car at the supermarket. At first I got a little angry, but then I had a good time trying to figure out how to get into my car without hitting their car. It was pretty hard.

I'm still not sure how they got out of their car. Maybe I should check my car for a black paint mark.

And that was my weekend. Huh...that was kinda random. I just started thinking about my weekend and that's what popped out! I live an exciting life.

Exciting if you like pencils! Which I do. As you know. Because it says it above.

I'm off to be a macho man.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, August 27, 2010

baby carrots

What?! Baby carrots are not actually little carrots?!

Yeah! They are just regular carrots cut into little "baby" sizes!

I honestly thought that they could grow little carrots. Everything else can be genetically altered, so why not carrots?

Did you know that? Why am I even buying these things? Why not just get big carrots? Or slice a big carrot into pieces and sell them as "Carrot Chips?"

What happens to the rest of the carrot? Do they just throw it out? Can they bag that up and sell them as "Carrot Scraps?" What kid wouldn't want to eat that?

I would totally eat carrot scraps!

Seems like a waste of carrot. Did you know there are bunnies starving in Utah? And we're just wasting scraps upon scraps of carrots.

It breaks your heart, doesn't it. Wish you could help out? Well you can! For the price of a Soy Iced Venti Caramel Macchiato, you can buy me a coffee. And if you give me MORE than that, I'll send it to the bunnies in Utah.

I'm off to starbucks.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

glow shrimp

Did you know that you can get some glow-in-the-dark shrimp in Oregon? You can! Scientists say that "harmless bacteria" on the shrimp causes it to glow.

So, if you are ever looking for a shrimp in the dark, you can find them!

I think all food should glow. Just because it would be easier to see what I'm eating with the lights off.

Maybe you live in a cave that has no electricity. Wouldn't you want to see your food?

Living in a cave sounds fun, but it's not. Mostly because it's hard to get an internet connection. So I can't read online comic books. That kinda stinks.

Caves are cool if you like bears, though. They will be there all winter. I wonder if bears would like glow-in-the-dark people. I bet they would.

Maybe my belly would glow if I ate those shrimp. THAT would be cool! And totally freak people out!

I'm off to make my belly glow.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

pen pal

Did you know that I've been cleaning out a bunch of stuff from storage? If you want some old comic books, let me know. I can probably hook you up.

I found a letter from a pen pal I had in 1987. I think I wrote one letter to him. He wrote one letter back to me. Here's what I know about my pen pal:

-His name is Derrick

-He likes to go fishing.

-His dad got him a newt.

-He was happy to get my letter.

And that's Derrick, ladies and gentlemen!

I wonder if he's still out there somewhere. I wonder if he still has the letter I sent him? Do you think he still likes fishing? What happened to that newt he was so excited about?

These are questions that I may never find answers to. I bet Derrick is thinking the same thing about me. So I'll answer Derrick's questions from my letter to him:

-I haven't gone fishing in years.

-I still like the color red.

-I did become a ninja space pirate.

There you go Derrick. All your questions are now answered. Write back.

I'm off to find a pen pal.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, August 23, 2010

egg recall

I can recall a school project I had to do with eggs. It was kinda cool.

We had to "build" something that would protect an egg from breaking after it was dropped from the top of a ladder. The ladder was pretty high.

As with most things in high school, I didn't put much effort into this. Mostly because I couldn't see the practical reasons behind protecting an egg from falling off a ladder.

I filled a backpack with cotton balls. Then, put the egg in it. Then dropped it.

I'm pretty sure that the egg did not crack. The teacher gave me credit for that. But did not give me credit for effort. And I can't argue with that. I certainly did not deserve an A for effort. Though, you have to respect the simplicity of my design.

It's a good thing those eggs weren't full of salmonella! That would have been one sick classroom!

I can recall a lot of things, but that's because I have a great memory. There's a lot of talk about an egg recall these days. Do you recall anything about eggs? I guess it's a big deal. People just love talking about eggs!

I recall making a comic book mobile once. Not a car, but the kind of mobile that hangs over a baby's crib. I'll tell you about that if a mobile recall ever becomes hip.

I'm off to do a total recall.

Enjoy Everything.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

bed box

A guy in China has created a quake-proof bed. It's a bed that has a cover that slides over you if it feels an earthquake happening. So, if stuff starts falling from above, you will be protected in this box!

This is cool! It's also great for volcanoes. And maybe rain. If it is raining in your bedroom. That happens sometimes when you have a lot of moisture.

It's a pretty cool idea. It might be fun to put a light in there and just close it up when you want some alone time. Maybe put a TV in there and watch a movie.

Then if there IS an earthquake, you can finish watching the bonus features on your Transformers DVD without being interrupted by falling rocks!

OH! Meteors! I bet it's good for meteors too. I hate getting hit with meteors when I'm reading comic books.

I think I will get one of these. Maybe I'll water-proof it so I can bring it under water for my trips to Atlantis.

I'm off to call Aquaman.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

cupcake club

Happy Cupcake Day again!

Did you know Hostess CupCakes (yes, they use a big "C" for cakes...I don't know why) started off as regular, un-creamy-filled cupcakes?

They did. In 1950, somebody really smart, maybe Einstein, decided to put a yummy filling into the cupcake. And hence the big C CupCake was born!

In Britain, they call the cupcake a "fairy cake." I wish we called them that in the U.S. Fairy cake is fun to say!

"Would you like a fairy cake?!"

"YES! It's like a fairy tale that you can eat!"

"What a 'happily ever after' moment!"

"I knowzle!"

Isn't that just so much fun?!

Fairy cake, fairy cake, fairy cake.

It's fun to say a lot.

I'm off to eat a fairy cake.

Enjoy Everything.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

car cover

Okay, so I understand car covers. I think they're a pretty good idea. It's probably good to protect your car from the sun. Especially a nice car. To keep that "fresh from the dealer" paint job.

And there's a guy at my apt. complex who covers his car before it snows so he can just peel that off and all the snow comes off with it. No brushing or scraping required! Great idea!

BUT! What I don't understand is a car cover in a parking garage. What does that do?

At work, I park in the garage. It's underground. There is NO sun. There is NO rain. There is NO snow.

What are you protecting your car from? Bird doo doo? Maybe. Birds do live down there.

Still, it shocks me every time I see it. Maybe they plan on leaving the car there for a long time and don't want it to get dusty. It has been there for two days already.

I think I'll get a car cover for my car. It'll have a cool design on it. Like a dragon. So when people park next to me, they'll know they parked next to a dragon.

OR! Make it a fire-breathing dragon! Then people won't park next to me because they'll be afraid of getting burned.

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the parking garage! Sizzle!

Maybe they're afraid of dragon doo doo in their car. Dragons fly. And I bet they live in my parking garage too.

I'm off to cover my car.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, August 13, 2010

great grapes

I've been SO addicted to grapes lately. How could I not be?! They're so good!

I could eat them, like, ALL DAY! That's how good they are.

It's mad crazy how much I love them.

OH! Have you seen those grapes with seeds? I didn't even know that they made those! I just thought grapes appeared from rain drops or something. But, there are seedy ones. AND THEY ARE HUGE!

They're like mutant grapes! They're the size of an apple. Or a grapefruit, even! I would need a fork and knife to eat them!

Seriously. They're huge.

I'm almost afraid to try one. It might try to eat me, first.

But those mini champagne grapes? Those rock. I feel like a giant when I eat them. WHO'S THE MUTANT NOW, GRAPEY!

I'm off to eat more grapes. Seriously, they're that good.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

rabbi understudy

Somebody in my family is getting married. It's all pretty exciting. Mostly because I could be part of the show!

If, for some reason, the Rabbi gets sick, I get to officiate the wedding. That's right! I'm in charge!

Apparently, Massachusetts will officiate you any time you want. It's temporary, but I could do, like, 100 weddings in a 24-hour period!

How cool would that be?! I would keep it short and sweet.

"Hello. You two are now married. Kiss now and be excellent to each other."

Done! Off to the food and presents!

The officiator gets presents, right?

They better. I already registered on Amazon. It's all comic book stuff.

I'll take gift cards, too.

I'm off to practice my officiating.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, August 9, 2010

don't change a thing

A new study says that our personalities don't change from age 6 all the way through adulthood.

So if you wanted to change, I guess you can't. They followed 2,400 kids from Hawaii for 40 years.

I wish I was in Hawaii. Why didn't my parents get me into that study? We could have moved to Hawaii. And I could have become a surfer.

Do you ever wonder that maybe you were meant to be a prodigy at something, but you never got the chance to try it so you never found out that you could be so good at it?

I often wonder about that and my surfing career. Maybe that's what I was meant to do. I could have been a surfing star!

Probably not, though. Since I'm not much of a beach fan. I think surfers have to go to the beach.

I could carry the board, though. That would look cool.

I could have been a success at trying to look cool. If only I knew that at age 6.

Is it too late to change my personality? NOPE! Because I'ma gonna buy me a surf board!

I'm off to find a surfin' safari.

Enjoy Everything.


Friday, August 6, 2010

fish smuggler

I don't know what would compel somebody to do this, but some guy was smuggling piranhas and stingrays. He was supposed to go to court today, but he disappeared.

Possibly because of an attack by piranhas and stingrays.

Who smuggles that?! Why not smuggle something soft and fluffy?! Like cotton candy! Or maybe you could smuggle pillows!

Is there a big market for piranhas and stingrays? Do people come up to you on the street wondering if you happen to have a stingray you'd be willing to part with?

Okay, so I've been asked that a few times, but that's the kind of crowd I hang with. Because I hang with a crowd that lives underwater.

And Aquaman. He's my friend, too. We hang out and play pool.

Heh...I never understood why he laughed every time we played pool until just now. I finally get the joke Aquaman! Very funny.

I'm off to smuggle a fish.

Enjoy Everything.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

hot nasa

The International Space Station is hot! The air conditioning is on the fritz. Uh oh!

Little known fact: I considered becoming an air conditioning repair guy for NASA when I was younger. It's true! Unfortunately, that required way too much work. Now I do this. Yeah...

NASA is going to send the folks on the ISS out for a spacewalk to fix the AC.

NASA said it's like "repairing your car with all of your ski clothes on, as well as your gloves, while you are on a pair of roller skates, on top of a mountain of ice, with billy goats biting your knees, during a sandstorm, with a hundred ninjas hitting you with sticks, while fighting the Hulk, while in the jungle, trying to climb a rope with butter on it."

Okay, so they didn't say ALL of that, but I'm not going to tell you where they stopped and where I started. I just said what they were thinking.

I'm off to fix my condenser coil.

Enjoy Everything.


Monday, August 2, 2010

shark week again

Shark Week is happening again. That's cool. People seem to like that. They've been doing it for over 20 years.

Sharks are cool. They have lots of teeth. Which is good if you like gum.

There should be a Unicorn Week! Now THAT would be cool! You could put me in a cage and drop me into Pink Fairyland so I could observe the unicorn in its natural habitat!

I know the dangers. Glitter storms. Lightning sand. Gummy swamps.

But it does not matter! I WILL succeed!

For Unicorn Week! And Beyond!

I'm off to pack my bags.

Enjoy Everything.