Friday, January 30, 2009

that's a lotta kids

There is a lot going on today, but I felt that it was time I commented on the lady who had octuplets. It wasn't really exciting to me that she had eight kids at once, but it seems there is more to the story.

She already has six kids. AND she was taking fertility drugs so she could have more. Really? WHY?!?!?! She didn't think she was fertile enough after having six already? Did she really think she needed help in that department?

That's like Donald Trump saying he needs a "more-money drug". I need that drug. Do they make that drug? I would pay people to make a life-sized T-Rex using only gummy bears if I had his money. Then I would pay magicians to make it come to life so I could ride it. Yeah...

Anyway, this lady already has six kids. She now has six plus eight. That is a big number. I'm not sure how big because I can't count past twelve, but it's bigger than that.

I wonder how they'll be able to tell them apart. There are eight kids who look exactly the same. Or, at least some of them probably do. Maybe the mom should brand them. Like cows. Oh stop it! I don't mean using a hot poker or anything! Jeez! Do you think I'm some sort of monster?!

I just meant that she should tattoo their names somewhere on them.

Use a hot poker...what you people must think of me sometimes...

I'm off to find a magician and some gummy bears.



Thursday, January 29, 2009

my letter from harrison ford

It's a little known fact that I have a lot of celebrity friends. I get mail all the time from Jimmy Carter. His letters are kinda boring because he's always talking about charity, but it's still nice to know that he's thinking of me.

Well, keeping up with my famous friends can be tough, so I'm glad they keep sending me letters. I got one yesterday from Harrison Ford. Of course he's all about his charity, but it's a nice gesture.

I think I'm going to send one back to him.

Dear Harrison,

Your charity looks pretty cool. I'll look into it.

It's too bad that we haven't talked in a long time. I miss our chats about Star Wars and stuff.

Things are going well here. I did see your new Indy flick. It was ok. I'm sorry, but I know you love my honesty. It just wasn't as good as the old ones. We'll get some coffee soon and I'll tell you some of my ideas for the next one.

Well, I have to get going. I hope you have a great day! Tell Calista I said hi!



And if he doesn't like my letter, then I'll sell the one he sent me on ebay. It has his official signature on it. It might look like a photocopy, but it's real. Trust me.

I'm off to check my mail.



Tuesday, January 27, 2009

travel etiquette

I'm not much of a world traveler, but I like to think that I would act appropriately if I were visiting other countries. At the very least, I wouldn't lick their tuna.

In Tokyo, there is a popular tourist spot where people can watch the early morning tuna auctions. It's supposed to be pretty wild, but the people there are just trying to do their job and tourists are messing it up with their flash cameras and tuna-licking. Yeah, some tourist licked a tuna there. I don't know why.

So, in the interest of public safety, I have decided to start keeping track of all the rude stuff that tourists do and write a book of all the things you are NOT supposed to do when visiting other countries.

The first rule today is: Don't lick the tuna.

I think there should be a punishment for such tuna disrespect. Maybe the owner of that tuna is allowed to slap you across the face with said tuna. That would probably keep people from licking any more tuna.

I don't know if I should expand that rule to include most animals and people. I would, but I'm not sure if there are countries where licking is considered a compliment. For all I know, there could be a city in Australia where licking somebody's koala is how you say hello.

I DO know for a fact that in the United States you are not supposed to lick people when you first meet them. They don't like that. They're ok when a dog does it, but not when I do it.

So, if you learned anything today, it's don't be the lick-initiator, wait to see if the natives do it first. If they start licking a tuna, then join the party! Otherwise, DON'T LICK THE TUNA!

I'm off to work on my etiquette.



Monday, January 26, 2009

ummm...the goat did it

I don't know what it's like in Nigeria, but I may want to move there and live out my dream of being an international diamond thief. Does that sound strange? It gets stranger.

Police in Nigeria arrested a goat for armed robbery. The police were chasing two men who were trying to steal a car when one of them got away and the other one turned into a goat. To me, that just sounds like an excuse by the police because they lost both guys.

Doesn't that seem like an easy way to get out of practically any crime? I could steal millions in diamonds and just blame it on an animal, couldn't I?

Cop: We have video of you robbing the jewelry store.

Me: I swear I was at home.

Cop: Then please explain how we caught you on tape.

Me: I think you should look at the elephant that hangs out behind the store. He is evil. I bet he transformed himself to look like me.

Cop: Why would he do that?

Me: Because I accidentally bumped into him one day and he has never forgiven me.

Cop: That sounds logical. By the way, that is a very nice diamond necklace. It goes great with the silver bracelets you wear.

Me: Thank you! That is such a wonderful compliment! Can I go now?

Cop: Oh sure. We'll go question that elephant.

Me: Thank you officer.

Soon, the jail will become a zoo full of gazelles, pangolins, and hyraxes. I shouldn't blame any hyraxes, though, because they are kinda cute. Oh well. Wrong place...wrong time, Mr. Hyrax.

I'm off to study my Nigerian fauna.



Friday, January 23, 2009

25 things part five: the finale

It's finally over. I'm so happy! I don't know what to say...I would like to thank the academy. For what, I don't know. I just would like to thank them in general. Let's just get this over with. The final five things you may or may not know about me.

5. I totally had a crush on Kelly from Saved By The Bell. I even had a poster of her in my room. It was amazing. I'm pretty sure she had a crush on me, too. It was a forbidden love, so we never actually met.

4. My favorite Disney movie is Lady and The Tramp.

3. I named my computer Pepe. I know. You wish you thought of that for your computer's name.

2. I have a Where's Waldo tie that I LOVE. Whenever I wear it to a fancy function, I get to yell at people and say, "Hey! My eyes are up here, buddy!" It is nice to pretend that people are staring at my chest. I know they only want to find Waldo, though.

1. I'm horribly bow-legged. When I put my feet together, there is no chance of my knees touching. You could throw a basketball through there. I know you want to make fun of the way I walk. I don't mind. Just remember, bow-legged people are 90% more likely to be awesome. Just a scientific fact.

That's it! The end! I'm done! I think I'm going to take the next month off. I think you have probably had more than enough of me by now. Maybe I'll write a blog next week under a pseudonym. If you see a blog from Rock Steelhard, that may or may not be me...using my kickboxing name.

I'm off to see what Kelly's up to.



Thursday, January 22, 2009

25 things part four

We're finally at the top ten things that you may or may not know about me. Thank goodness! I'm really not that exciting and finding things to write about here has been a struggle. Let's see if I can make up five more things today. Of course, they are absolutely true...but maybe fake just to fill space.

10. I have mentioned in the past my love for afternoon cartoons that they don't have anymore. The Disney afternoon had a show called "Bonkers" with a really fast theme song. I once entered a contest where you had to write down the lyrics and send them in. I think the winner was drawn into an episode or something. I did not win. I think I had all the lyrics, though. I taped an episode and watched the theme song over and over again until the vhs tape broke.

9. I had "The Clapper" that you see on TV. You know, clap on, clap off. It works...almost too well. I had it plugged into my lights but unfortunately I played guitar. Strumming on the guitar would be heard as a "clap" and whenever I played, the lights would go on and off. It's was kinda like my own rock show with lighting. It was also kinda like annoying.

8. I've been to Italy! I took Latin in high school and we got to check out all the ancient Roman stuff during a trip to Italy during my junior year. I don't remember much except my friend buying a pocket watch from a guy who didn't know any English. I do remember that taking a long time.

7. In college, I overdosed on zinc. I was taking zinc and vitamin c because I saw that they were supposed to help prevent colds. What they don't tell you is that having too much zinc has some horrible side effects. Let's just say that it was a bad couple of days of stomach problems. I went to the hospital in the middle of the night and the doctors tested me. You do NOT want to hear about the me. Just make sure you don't get TOO much zinc. It is NOT zinc-tastic. OR amay-zinc! Ha! That one's funnier.

6. I wanted to take kickboxing after seeing parts of "Kickboxer" starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. I say starring, but does any movie actually "star" Jean-Claude? I probably shouldn't say that to his face...or his foot. I never got to box anybody with my feet. Instead, I took Kung Fu for a few years. I got pretty good at it, too. Then I went to college and overdosed on zinc. It was all downhill from there.

Can you believe it!? Only one more day to go and I can't think of a darn thing to write about tomorrow!

I'm off to clap on...and then maybe clap off.



Wednesday, January 21, 2009

25 things part three

Is this thing still going on? Maybe next time I'll only do five things. I'm gonna get through it, though. I made you a promise and I will keep it...maybe.

Let's just get on with this...

15. I am tempted to buy almost every product from infomercials. They are all pretty amazing. I never buy any of them, but I'm pretty sure my life would be better if I did. I could also do everything in half the time.

14. I used to buy cds based on their covers and names. Back in the day, I used to go to cd stores and walk through the aisles. If I saw a cover that looked cool or a band name that made me laugh, I would buy it. I think my favorite random purchase was a band called Butter 08. I bet you're jealous. If you ask nicely, maybe I'll burn you a copy.

13. I'm pretty sure I was abducted by aliens. I was a paperboy for years and one afternoon I was riding my bike and delivering "The Call" when I felt light-headed. It almost felt like I fainted, but I was still on my bike. My head cleared and I looked at my watch and I lost about ten minutes. I swear. This is completely true. Scary, right?

12. I own a Sir Mix-A-Lot album. It's actually on cassette. And it's glorious.

11. Jim Brickman asked me be a waiter at some corporate function. Yeah, the famous piano player. We met a few years ago when he stopped by the radio station. He called me a few weeks after that because he was playing a corporate function and they were looking for waiters. He said the waiters were supposed to interact with the guests and be a part of skits on stage. I decided against it. I think you would have said no, too. Trust me.

That was mostly painless! Well, for me...maybe not for you.

I'm off to Mix-A-Lot with the Sir.



Tuesday, January 20, 2009

25 things part two

Since nothing is going on, I'm going to continue this thrilling weeklong event of "25 Things You May or MAY NOT Know About Me." What's that? A new president is being sworn in? So what? Hasn't that happened, like, 43 times already? That's old news. This is new news! Let's get this party started!

20. I think I've mentioned that I played drums in a band called "$240 Worth Of Pudding" when I was in high school, but what you didn't know was that I was also the singer. Since I had no microphone stand, I took a wire hanger and bent it around my neck and rested the mic in the front loop so I could sing and play drums. Dangerous? Probably. But that's how we rock stars roll. (HA! rock...roll...get it?)

19. I sent a kid to the hospital because I was horrible at calculus. My senior year was a hard one because I could not understand calculus. So, my friends would help me out. One of my friends, Kevin, was nice enough to help me...for a while. I would talk to him on the phone late at night and he would help me with the problems. I was fine with little sleep in those days. Kevin was not. He was sent to the hospital for being overtired and missed school. The kid's a genius, so it's not like he couldn't catch up. He should probably be thanking ME for getting him out of school. YOU'RE WELCOME.

18. Luke Perry is my arch-enemy. He is the Lex Luthor to my Superman. Someday I hope to bump into him so we can arm wrestle and finally put an end to this feud. If you want to make bets, I will win. Because I'm Superman.

17. I used to play Dungeons & Dragons. No joke. I even have a Cleric's Handbook. I loved being a cleric. Why you ask (slightly afraid of the answer)? A cleric was allowed to learn magic spells AND use blunt weapons. I used to hit people with sticks...then they would hit me with a sword. I never got very far.

16. A few months ago I started waking up with a drool puddle on my pillow. It happened for about a month and then stopped.

I can see the tabloids now. "DJ Drools At Night Thinking About Wrestling Luke Perry!"

I'll bet Luke Perry wrote that headline. When he does stuff like that, I wave my hand in the air and shout, "I'LL GET YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS LUKE PERRY!!!!!!"

I'm off to try my spell of coolness you can see, it hasn't worked yet.



Monday, January 19, 2009

25 things part one

Sometimes when I'm checking my email, I'll find out that I was tagged in a note on facebook. When that happens, I'm supposed to respond and tag other people. I'm not very good at doing that.

One thing that I've seen pop up a few times recently is the "Things You Don't Know About Me" list. I think I got hit for one that was 25 things and another that was 20 things.

Since I don't have much to talk about, I decided to do a weeklong special revealing 5 of those things each day. Of course, if something more exciting comes along, then I'll just postpone the 5 for that day. Or, possibly, if I get so bored remembering things in my life, I may just end it at 17. Who knows! That's part of the drama! That's part of the edge-of-your-seat action! That's part of the...something worth exclamating!

So, here starts the 25 things you may or may not know about me:

25. I didn't use the potty until I absolutely had to. I don't remember my exact age, but it was later than most. I was pretty lazy as a toddler. Finally, we were having some work done on my house or something and my mom said it would be a pain for her to change diapers and the next day I used the toilet. I guess I knew how, but didn't want to until it was necessary. Go me.

24. Once I learned how to do those "Magic Eye" posters, I was obsessed with them. I even had one of dolphins in my room. It looked like they were going to swim across my wall! It was astounding!

23. I used to pick blueberries. We had a blueberry bush in our yard and I would pick them. I don't think I ate them, though. Since they weren't candy, I avoided them. The bush was also second base when we played baseball in the yard. I was so bad at baseball that I usually only made it to the corner of the garden (first base) before getting tagged out or getting too tired to play.

22. I was afraid of the dark and always had a night light. I wasn't afraid of monsters or anything, but if I woke up in the middle of the night, I didn't want to step on a comic book or something. maybe I was a little afraid of monsters.

21. I can change a mean tire. I can't do much when it comes to cars, but I’ve had so many flats that I got really good at changing them. I've actually had friends call me to change their tires when they get a flat...that's how good I am. Oh yeah...take that flat tire. I should be one of those tire changers in Nascar.

Well that's 5 for today and I'm already bored! I bet you can't wait for the rest of the list. I know I can't!

I'm off to change a tire.



Friday, January 16, 2009

more awesome words

Not too long ago I found a list of words that people thought were overused and useless. It was done by a university who thought that they had the final say in all things wordy.

Well, not to be outdone by an institute of higher learning, Askmen decided to find their own list of overused words.

AND AGAIN, they are horribly wrong. I think it is because they cannot accept that language changes and evolves. I, on the other hand, embrace the changes and evolutions of the world.

Here are a few examples of their silly list:

Awesome: Obviously they don't talk to me. I use the word all the time AND I use it correctly. You could say that I use the word awesomely. They believe something awesome should only be used to describe something of incredible importance. I agree. Much like how I say "awesome" when it is comic book day. How do they not get that?

Seriously: Seriously?! They don't get that?! Do you know what is great? You all understood HOW I just said "seriously" at the beginning of this section. That's why there is nothing wrong with it.

Literally: They are upset that people say literally instead of figuratively. As in, "That test was so hard that I literally thought my head was going to explode." How does askmen know that I didn't mean that literally? My head may have almost exploded. Sure, if I meant something figuratively, I could say it that way, but that would literally kill me. No joke. I would die. Literally. I might also die figuratively, but that wouldn't matter if I literally died.

They have more words on their list. "Whatever", "ridiculous" and "like" are on there as well, but I just don't have the patience to deal with their attitude. It's literally ridiculous. They're gonna tell me what words to use? Pffft...Whatever. They're all, like, "You shouldn't use those words!" and I'm all, like, "I will because I'm way more awesome than you!"

I'm off to say whatever I want to whomever I want.



Thursday, January 15, 2009

obama letter

Mr. Obama wrote a letter to his daughters. I know. He WROTE a letter. Shouldn't he have just texted something to them? I guess it's a little long for a text. Maybe an email. I don't know. Writing a letter seems so 1930. Oh well.

It's a sweet letter that the girls will read in 30 years and probably cry out of happiness. SO, not to be outdone by the president-elect, I have decided to write a letter to his daughters as well.

Dear Malia and Sasha,

What's up? How is it being to coolest kids in school? It must rock. I bet you laugh when the teacher asks you to draw your house. You probably have the coolest stuff for show and tell like Andrew Jackson's underwear or Taft's giant knickers. All the other kids are probably envious.

What's it like in the white house? Is there a game room? I bet it has Pac-Man. As soon as you move in, you should ask the chef there to make you an ice cream mountain. Climb to the top and eat your way down. Maybe have them mix gummy bears in it.

Is there a waterslide in there? There should be! Or maybe a fireman's pole! It could be in your dad's bedroom and when he slides down he changes into his Batman uniform. Then, from the Batcave, he can do cool call Australia for a wallaby.

What I really want to know is if you have access to the treasury. I don't know if there is actually any money in there, but in my head it looks like Scrooge McDuck's vault and I want to go swimming in a pile of gold coins. If you could make that happen, I would be eternally grateful. I'll buy you a Hannah Montana T-shirt or something.

Let me know if we can make this happen.

Write back!


Don't worry folks, I'll post pictures of me swimming in the gold. I'm sure they have cameras in there anyway. Maybe I can post a video on youtube.

I'm off to find a stamp!



Tuesday, January 13, 2009

use the force

OK! I will!

Have you been wanting your kids to harness the power of the Force so that he or she can grow up to be a Jedi? I thought so. Well, soon you will be able to train your little Padawans in the comfort of your own home! You won't need to send them to Dagobah to meet up with Yoda or anything.

Coming this fall (so it's the perfect christmas gift for me), "The Force Trainer" will be coming to a toy store near you. There is a ball in a tube that you put on the table and you put this thing on your head to send signals, wirelessly, to the part under the tube. Those signals make more or less air blow the ball up the tube. The more Force you use, the harder the air will blow and the higher the ball will rise!

It's basically the fun version of an EEG. I know! You didn't think EEGs could be fun, but they sure can be!

They call it a toy. I call it an "intense training device." So, once we get all your children harnessing the Force, we can set them up with Light Sabers and they can head off to fight the Dark Side. Or maybe there will be a little bully is school that is in need of a good light sabering. Like Darth Johnny. He is so annoying.

I'm off to Dagobah for my training.



Monday, January 12, 2009

114 to 1 odds

So, I don't talk politics too often around here, but this was pretty funny to me. I'm sure you've heard about Rod Blagojevich and the scandal around him selling his Senate seat.

You might think he's an entrepreneur, but it turns out that selling his Senate seat might be a little on the illegal side. The folks in Illinois were not happy with that so they decided to serve him up a piece of impeachment pie. It's actually pretty tasty if you like peaches. I don't think Rod likes peaches, because he wasn't very happy about it.

The funny thing is that the vote was 114-1. Only ONE person voted for him to stay. Did one person fall asleep when they were talking about voting and woke up just in time to vote? Was Cindy Lou Who in the back thinking that Rod had some redeeming values and wanted to give him a second shot?

Cindy: Why are selling your senate seat? Is that a Who thing to do?

Rod: My dear little Cindy, if I sell that seat, I'll be richer than a Giblox and Farnix times two!

Cindy: That almost sounds wrong and sneaky Blagojevich.

Rod: Oh, dear Cindy, don't be such a-

WOAH!!!!! Let's keep it clean, Rod!

Well, even though Rod called her that, all the Who's in Whoville still invited Rod over to their impeachment dinner and he got to carve the roast beast.

It was heartwarming.

I'm off to find a Giblox.



Thursday, January 8, 2009

find the marble in the oatmeal

Did you know it's National Oatmeal Month? It is. So make sure you celebrate by filling up your bathtub with oatmeal and enjoying a soothing bath. I think I had to do that when I had the chicken pox. I remember loving it.

Did you know that Vermont eats the most oatmeal? They do. There is also a city in Texas named Oatmeal. The food is not very popular there. They usually eat cattle for breakfast.

I also found out that 80% of households have oatmeal in their cupboard. I was NOT given information on where the other 20% of oatmeal is kept. Where would somebody else keep their oatmeal? In the fridge? The garage? Under the bed, perhaps? I'm not sure.

I keep oatmeal in my tummy. I find that to be the best place for it.

Now that I think about it, why does oatmeal help with chicken pox? Why can't I take a bath in Fruit Loops? I could fill my tub with milk and fill it with cereal. How cool would that be!

What about Rice Krispies! Can you imagine how much fun it would be to take a bath with all that snappin, cracklin and poppin! I am so gonna do that when I get home. It is going to be awesome.

I'm off to buy a lot of milk.



Wednesday, January 7, 2009

what the people want

Is work too energetic for you? Maybe you're sitting around at home watching television and finding it too stimulating? Have I got something for you to keep the stress levels down!

A live web cam of (drum roll) A LAVA LAMP!

That's right! Now you can watch a lava lamp all day long from your computer. Why buy your own when you can watch one that doesn't need warming up?

It's true. A guy figured he would set up a camera in front of a lava lamp for a live feed because there isn't a constant live feed of a lava lamp on the web yet. Well, there wasn't until he decided to do it.

Clearly, I understand the need for stupid things on the web. Sometimes, though, even I can be shocked.

I have decided I'm missing out on this action. I think I'll put a web cam in my pocket and have a live feed of that all day. It will be pretty boring EXCEPT when I'm trying to get a pen out. OR maybe when I'm looking for some change. WOW! THEN THE ACTION WILL START!

I can see people watching it now:

"Whatcha watchin?

The pocket cam.

What's going on.

Nothin. It's just black right now.




Hmmm...maybe I should sell advertising in my pocket. You won't be able to read it, but I'll be rich. Then I can stick my hand in my pocket for money instead of lip balm.

I'm off to find some change.



Tuesday, January 6, 2009

in and out

I want all of you to be a hip as possible, so I found out was is "so yesterday" and what is "super cool" today. Since I'm so caring, I want to make sure all my friends out there look as awesome as possible.

After many minutes of research, I have found out what you need to maintain your cool. Chanel Sunglasses are out and Red Ray Ban Wayfarers are in.

BUT! More importantly! Fuji apples are out and Honeycrisp apples are in. I know. You're sitting there eating your Fuji apple wondering if you should spit it out because it's not cool anymore. You should. Spit it out and go buy a honeycrisp apple, fer cryin out loud! What year are you in?! 2008?!?!?!?!?! JEEZ!!!!!!

This is according to the Washington Post. They actually have a few other things that are so unimportant that it almost puts me to sleep reading the list.

Who cares?! They had to figure out what apple was the "in" apple of the year? That information is almost as useless as this blog!

Though, unofficially, this blog is so last year. Of course, I'm pretty sure it's in for 2009 as well. So, reading my blog makes you totally radical.

You’re welcome.

I'm off to eat my honeycrisp apple with my red Ray Ban Wayfarers.



Monday, January 5, 2009

don't say it!

Lake Superior State University puts out a list of "banished" words every year. The folks at LSSU seem to think they are superior in language because of their superiorness in lakes. I don't see the connection, but maybe I would understand if I had been a graduate of LSSU.

LSSU is a real school. Most of the students there graduate and stay in Michigan. The rest of them go to Ontario. That probably explains a lot. (Yes, I am making fun of Canada...again, BUT I'm also making fun of LSSU! So that should make you Canadians feel better!)

Here are few of their choices...with help from me to get around them.

Green: So, instead of Kermit being green, we will call him "Secondary color that is not purple or orange." It seems longer, but superior people find it is better to say that instead of green. They actually found it too easy to be green so they wanted to make it a little more complicated. It's not easy being secondary color that is not purple or orange.

Wall Street/Main Street: Now, if you work the stock market, you should say that you work on "place I put my Jonas Brothers posters on" Street. People will know you are talking about walls because there is no other place to put your Jonas Brothers posters. Main Street is a little bit harder. I can't think of anything clever about it, so I would just spell it differently. Like Maine, the state. Maine Street. Ha. Take that, LSSU.

<3: They hate that the heart symbol means love. They would much rather have you use up two more of your 160 text characters and fully write out the word love. Math folks are really upset because 2 actually does love 3 and found it meaningful and practical to write 2<3. Now, 3 doesn't think that 2 loves it anymore. They are going through a messy divorce. Good job LSSU.

Not so much: As in, "I rock, you...not so much." LSSU doesn't like this because almost every other U out there can say they rock, LSSU...not so much. I mean seriously! Look at where their graduates go. Ontario? Really!? I'd rather live in Texas. Ontario...not so much.

It's that time of year again: Remember where LSSU is? Yeah, it's always one time of year there, so they hate that people actually have different times of year. LSSU...jealous? Yes so much.

I think I have something for next year's list. Did you notice that some of these are phrases? They actually call this, on their website, a "list of words." Howzabout on the next list they say, "Using the word 'word' to describe words, phrases and emoticons." Take that Lake Superior.

I'm off to rock. LSSU, not so much.



Friday, January 2, 2009

i'm not the outdoors type

I was reading the paper today and found an interesting article about kids who like to camp in the winter. I have decided that these kids are not humans but in fact a race of aliens from the ice planet Hoth.

Apparently some people like to see their breath freeze as they are going to sleep at night. Why would somebody like that? Correct! Because they are tauntauns in human form!

I can't imagine myself filling up a ditty bag with a Guppie multi-tool and asking folks to join me in my Tundra Dome tent.

I actually have no idea what that means. I looked up words and products that have to do with camping and found those. I don't even know if I COULD do those things.

So, do you like to camp in the winter? Really? Hmmm...I don't know what to tell you. I could say you were insane for enjoying it, but that would be mean. I suppose you would have to like camping in the summer to even consider camping in the winter. I wouldn't camp any time of year. I would be hesitant to even go to a cabin in the woods. You never know what could be out there. Bears, chupacabras, hippies...all sorts of scary things!

Also, there is no TV. What if I miss an episode of Nature? I mean, they might go to a beautiful jungle with cool birds and elephants. It's not like I can see that sort of thing going camping!

I'll stick to making tents out of the couch and blankets. It's not cold in there. And I can have milk and cookies whenever I want.

I'm off to build a quinzhee.